We all have nerves about “The Big Day” don’t we? Will it go right, will everyone behave, will the food be ok…I could go on and on with a huge list of questions and worries, but as my wedding proves, what really matters is the ceremony; the rest is decoration.

My wedding day was a little different as by the time we got to the day we were really thankful that it was happening at all.

I should have realised that things would perhaps not go smoothly when I talked to mum about the wedding cake. This was 1988, and circular cakes with a cascade of sugar flowers were the “in” thing. Our cake was a gift by a very generous and talented baker who was friends with mum & dad, and when we asked him about the shape, we were told “too late, it’s baked and it’s square.” The eventual cake, although beautiful, was a very old fashioned, white, royal icing piped lace affair – but it was a gift, it was only a minor thing, and we were grateful.

The bridesmaids’ dresses had to be re-made as they were wrong, and the orders of service also had to be re-printed – twice (the best man still got a blank one. Luckily he knew the words to the hymns.)

I was, at the time, very allergic to flowers, so my lovely sister spent hours finding artificial garlands to hire, to decorate the church. This was 1988, so set dressing wasn’t really a concept back then, and the church was a strange combination of place of worship and theatre, so not the easiest place to adorn.

Then the van, with the hire flowers in it, was stolen a couple of days before the day. The ladies of the church, led by my sister, who is very creative and rarely defeated, worked wonders with foliage and ribbons, and in the end it looked great.

At the time, Dad was in the grip of early on-set Alzheimer’s, so we had to ask the best man to do his speech as well. And as I was left at home, as was traditional, to travel with Dad in the car, I was so focused on getting him to church that I forgot his buttonhole, and had to mug an usher when we got to church and steal his buttonhole for Dad.

Best man – yes, that was a problem as well. Are you getting the idea now?

The first choice was my husband’s brother and sole sibling…who was (and is) a bass player. He said yes, then a job on a cruise liner came up and as it clashed with the day, he was out.

Then we asked a good friend who would have been delighted to do the job, but he was, at the time, a stage manager. On the weekend of the wedding they were dismantling the previous show and setting up the new one – no way that the stage manager could be absent for that.

Our third-time-lucky best man was a total super star, stepping in, dealing with everything, delivering both the father of the bride and best man’s speech, and we were so grateful to him.

You’d think that was enough problems but nope, the worst was to come!

The weekend prior to the wedding, my husband was drumming in a local club and heard a rumour “Theatre Church is on fire.”

What!!!

It was true, the church was on fire (well a part of it.) To explain, church was a dual purpose building. The main part was a church & theatre, then behind the stage was a corridor and a jumble of rooms – dressing rooms, main hall, kitchen, some student accommodation. The fire took hold in the kitchen, and swept up the main hall and the dressing rooms. Luckily the fire brigade stopped it at the corridor immediately behind stage, but when we went to look the day after, the church was a mess.

The smell of smoke was overwhelming, the walls were black, there was water everywhere, the blue velvet seats were dirty, and we just looked and cried. All our plans and our lovely wedding ruined.

That’s when the community rose up in support. For a week solid they cleaned and scrubbed – walls, upholstery, everything. If you stood still too long, you were polished!

The week after, we got married, and it was a fabulous day. Milton (hubby) managed to accidentally knock my head-dress and veil off by waving too vigorously to the passing cars on the way to the reception – so what?

The reception venue (despite promises to the contrary) was still a building site, and the guests had to walk through the half built portion to get in – who cared?

We’d done it. Despite all the problems and panics we were married, and the bit that really mattered, the only bit that really mattered, were the words that we spoke and the promises that we made to each other, with our family and friends there to enjoy the day with us.

We’ve been married now for 35 years, and we often think how good a start that was. After all, if we could get through that, then we can get through anything.

What are you going to say to each other on your special day? How are you going to express your love for each other and include those special people in your lives? Give me a ring and we can talk about it – I would love to hear your thoughts, and if you or your friends have had any wedding disasters, I’d like to read your stories and hear how you coped.